College Life

This is the first time I am writing about being a full time college student. I kinda wounder what took me so long to do this. This week and last week I have been staying in the dorms with my new room mate. Next week everyone comes back to the dorms and classes start. I am a little freaked out about that. I mean, I know I will do good in my classes. but I cant help but freak out a little. I mean some of the classes I am taking are NOT easy at all. Oh well, Till tomorrow. Much love.

Just a few thoughts

Sleep has been avoiding me as of late. I have not had much of a want for food. Been really depressed. Been assessing some relationships. There are people in my life that I really wish were not, but there is noting at all I can do about that. I will hopefully getting my meds today. That should level things out. Make me feel a lot better about being myself. I am hoping for the best.

Stress

I have never been so stressed out in my life. I know everything will work out in the end, but I cant help but have this feeling like the world is just crashing down around me. And as is the norm with my life falling apart..... I am the reason. Hindsight is 20/20 and there is nothing I can do to change the past. All I can do is change the way I do things and move on. Hoping for the best.

Useless

Sometimes I feel like I'm not good at anything at all. Every time I try to do something, someone, most times a friend of mine, tells me strait up or hints at the fact that I suck at what ever it is that I'm trying to do. I know they don't mean to hurt me, and I know they care about me, but it still hurts like hell. Just knowing that nothing I try to do, or enjoy doing is worth it because suck. They think that by telling me how much I suck that is going to help me do better, but its not true. All they do is make me want to do what ever it is ever again.

Sick

I'm sick of the pain, Sick of the hurt. Sick of being nothing more to this world than a waste of space. I have never been useful, never been worth anything to any one. People say they care, and in some small way I bet they do, but would there life not be much better with out me? Would they not be happier with out me around? I just want it all to stop. The pain to go away. I want to stop existing. Stop being alive. Stop being me. Hell, I don't even wanna be someone else. I just want to go away forever. To the other side. I just wish I had never been born.

I would NEVER

Been thinking a lot today about things I said I would never do or thought I would never do, and how I have done them.

I will never be smart enough to make it to college. ~ Not only did I make it in , but I am also really glad that I did it. I am really enjoying the experience.

I will NEVER play D&D. ~ I now play every weekend, and would play more if I could.

I will never play those dumb facebook games. ~ I play most of them now.

I will never just "hook up" with a guy that's not my boyfriend. ~ Just because you hook up with a guy your not dating does not make you a slut or a whore. I know that now.

I will NEVER date a girl. ~ Not only have I dated a girl, but I realized I'm Bi.

that's only a few things I have learned in my life. And as much as I hate to admit it, Justin Bieber had it right when he said "never say never"

Just wrong.

Now, most people know I am Pagan. What they don't know is I have mad love for all religions. What I don't have love for is hate. I came across 2 signs from Grace Baptist Church in Hazlehurst, GA thanks to my friend Jordy Roland. This makes me so sick. I feel something should be done! Send letters and call. Tell this church that god tells us to love everyone not hate. The address is 12 N Williams St Hazlehurst, GA 31539 the phone number is (912) 375-7519 Tell them that even Pagans have more of "gods love" than they do.