The day I die

I tend to think a lot about death. Mainly my own. What will happen to me when I die? Not just my soul but also my body. I don't have a plot. Will I be cremated? Who will keep my ashes? If no one keeps them where will they be spread? This is what I want when I die....

Cremate me, spread my ashes in an opening in the woods someplace. Have a memorial service, with NO PREACHER! This is about my life, not saving the souls of the ones I left behind. Also, I am not Christian, so that would just be fucked up to have preaching at my memorial service. There is only one song I want played...."Coming Back Down" By: Hollywood Undead. Not only do I love the song and the band, but it would also be just a great song.

I know this blog is a little sad, perhaps even dark, but that is whats on my mind today.

found a poem

I was going through some of my notes and what not from my first samester, and I found a poem that I will now share with you.

I want to laugh,cry,scream.and just end it all. I don't ever wanna be apart, but just being near you is killing me. Sometimes I don't know what to do. Do I tell you again how I feel? Make you feel odd because you dont feel the same. Do I just let it go and be happy with what I have? I feel like I could be ok with what we have now. I just need to get in and saty in the mind set that this is not love. This is just tow people who care about each other the way all friends should.

Yep that's my poem, I know it does not rhyme, but it is a poem none the less.

Sick

I'm sick of the pain, Sick of the hurt. Sick of being nothing more to this world than a waste of space. I have never been useful, never been worth anything to any one. People say they care, and in some small way I bet they do, but would there life not be much better with out me? Would they not be happier with out me around? I just want it all to stop. The pain to go away. I want to stop existing. Stop being alive. Stop being me. Hell, I don't even wanna be someone else. I just want to go away forever. To the other side. I just wish I had never been born.