UPDATE!!!!

My hope is that starting Monday I will be posting a Vlog every week day, and a Blog every day on the weekend. To catch people up on what my week has been like. I am also going to start tweeting more.

My road to recovery Day 1

This is my first full day of being out in the real world. Its strange, knowing what all I know now about myself and my mental illnesses. Today I decided to quit college for right now. I will be going to a tech college starting in Jan. I'm moving to Valdosta with a friend so that's a new thing for me too. So many changes going on. I am not a huge fan of change. Its freaking me out a little. But i am trying my best to remain calm and over come everything. I know this is going to involve a lot of change, but it will work out for me in the end.

Songs that touch my heart.

This is part of the song Black Dahlia by Hollywood Undead.

I wish I could have quit you

I wish I never missed you, and told you that I loved you every time I fucked you

The future that we both drew and all the shit that we've been through

Obsessed with the thought of you in pain just grew and grew

How could you do this to me

Look at what I made for you it never was enough and the world is what I gave you

I use to be love struck now I'm just fucked up

pull up my selves and see the pattern of my cuts

This song really speaks to me. I have been in love with someone that I was willing to do anything for, and it was driving me crazy I also have an issue with cutting.

progress

Between the first of the year and now I have lost 11 pounds. that's good and I feel a lot better now than I did then. True I still have to lose 86 pounds to reach my goal. I have faith that I can do it. I just have to exercise more. Get out and walk and what not.

found a poem

I was going through some of my notes and what not from my first samester, and I found a poem that I will now share with you.

I want to laugh,cry,scream.and just end it all. I don't ever wanna be apart, but just being near you is killing me. Sometimes I don't know what to do. Do I tell you again how I feel? Make you feel odd because you dont feel the same. Do I just let it go and be happy with what I have? I feel like I could be ok with what we have now. I just need to get in and saty in the mind set that this is not love. This is just tow people who care about each other the way all friends should.

Yep that's my poem, I know it does not rhyme, but it is a poem none the less.

College Life

This is the first time I am writing about being a full time college student. I kinda wounder what took me so long to do this. This week and last week I have been staying in the dorms with my new room mate. Next week everyone comes back to the dorms and classes start. I am a little freaked out about that. I mean, I know I will do good in my classes. but I cant help but freak out a little. I mean some of the classes I am taking are NOT easy at all. Oh well, Till tomorrow. Much love.

Just a few thoughts

Sleep has been avoiding me as of late. I have not had much of a want for food. Been really depressed. Been assessing some relationships. There are people in my life that I really wish were not, but there is noting at all I can do about that. I will hopefully getting my meds today. That should level things out. Make me feel a lot better about being myself. I am hoping for the best.